On Thursday I felt rough. Weary and lacklustre, and teary and pathetic. I told myself it was part of the process, but the trouble is that being in control is something I like very much and this is a thing over which I have almost no control at all. Eventually I stopped fighting it and lay on the sofa under a blanket, but it was a hard thing to accept.

So when I woke up on Friday feeling better I was surprised to find myself in a panic about whether it had all gone wrong, or that perhaps I had imagined the first test, and I just wanted it enough to make it appear on the screen. I know – completely mad, but knowing that I was having mad thoughts was not enough to drive them away, so I took the other test out of the packet and did it.Before I reached the other end of the hall it flashed up ‘pregnant’ and then a couple of minutes later added ‘2-3′.

Of course it did.

Because I am actually pregnant. With a baby. And I really want it to be ok.